Furrball's Generic Angsty Story
by FakeNicName
Summary: Starring a cat, that the author barely knows, in a series, that the author also barely knows, this story follows a day of stupidly set-up plot points that barely resemble a story that will inevitably disappoints the reader.


Our story beings the same way all emotastic stories begin, with our young injured hero cat named Furrball wearily glancing around his general area to give me, the author, an excuse to introduce his home, in this case a rundown alley way that the main character obviously lives in. I then at this point quickly forget to describe the rundown alley way with its dirty stone cold concrete floor with it's think musty smell and dimly lit entrance as I assume that all of the readers are willing to imagine these factors themselves, before transitioning over to the character and having an internal monologue appear within quotation marks instead of italics; because the latter is annoying to read.

"I feel terrible for poorly implied reasons and have been really depressed or something, I have perfectly reasonable excuses for feeling so miserable, but my author doesn't want to feel like I am a brat or whining so here's a brief reference to something horrible, we'll go with abuse this time I guess" The character thought to themselves, rehashing information they already know and have no reason to repeat to themselves but the author is too terrible to explain the setting in any other efficient way. "I am feeling poorly for some poorly alluded reasons and today I am going to suddenly do something completely out of character, and obviously dramatic, to allow this story to begin."

And with that literary setup complete and a poorly formed sentence written, it's time for the part of the story called the confrontation, which in this is case is when our dear little cat is exhausted, weary and just plain tired of being in such a poor situation that they decide to just give up and do something stupid or dangerous that gets their issues noticed by a third party. Today is when everything is going to go wrong...if by wrong I mean start a story that will pull the main character through some hardships before dumping him in heaven because the author hates stories with unhappy endings.

Our hero, an ironic title due to fact that our only view of him is as a false character who spends his time trying to murder a small yellow bird, slowly pulls himself to his feet, a strange term as he normally walks on all fours, as he quickly dashes through the streets, his inconsistent speed more a product of emotional structure and reference...and the speed that the author is listening to, rather than any actual actions by our main character. In fact the speed is rather irrelevant at this point.

Our character, why I classify him as ours is unknown to everyone including me but I think it's to force the reader into the author's mindset, arrives at the nearby studios of Warner Brothers, that is only nearby to allow the whole rushing premise from the previous statement to make sense in this context, where he stealthily sneaks, is there really any other way to sneak, into the premises under the nose of the overweight security employee.

For this point on the author is still unsure what the little cat is planning to do to create a catalyst, which does make this next section difficult to explain, but regardless the plot continues as out cute little cat, oh another word of detail, sneaks onto the set of Tiny Toons, hoping that he wouldn't be noticed before he is called to set. The purpose of this paragraph is to introduce the character and its relation to the show and other metaphysical rubbish.

Furrball enters the building's fire escape and quickly climbs to the top, keeping an eye on a clock, that will never be referenced again and is somewhere of unimportance, as he makes sure he has plenty of time before the day's rehearsals. Naturally the author by this point is still wondering where they are taking this little story and is hoping that they aren't completely misunderstanding how a TV studio films content. Thankfully the Cat remains a fair distance from that day's filming events, allowing the author to avoid displaying his incredible ignorance as he continues this slowly developing plot.

"Why do they always seem to do this?" Furrball quietly asks himself, whispering the obvious plot point in an attempt to not make the author hit himself for accidentally making the mute character able to talk. Then again Wiley Coyote could talk and yet didn't so I guess it's okay. "I just wish they accepted me" He continued, obviously ensuring that those stupid completely understood the not so subtle references, before finishing with an obvious case of foreshadowing. "I just want to be accepted" From here both the readers and the author knows that the cat is either going to die in the next page, or he'll be saved somehow and live happily ever after (or something equally smutty if this is rated M).

From here the setup is complete as the character glances down at the busy groups of studio employees rushing about trying to complete the day's outdoor shoots before the light was too low. Normally Furrball would be down there playing with his friends, but in this story he doesn't have any because he's a loner or something poorly though out so we instead have to assume that he always comes up here to think and play, also the people sitting in front of me on the bus are gay. I'm not sure how relevant that is but it's not like anyone actually scans every single word in these overly long descriptions and I'm reasonably sure I'll remember to remove this line before uploading this, and so our main character merely sits there watching the activity below wishing he could be a part of something that in a properly though out environment he would be,

Furrball turns away from his onscreen friends and foes, performing a blatant reference to his current connection with his friends, implying that he is not friend with any of his cast members and enforcing the feeling of loneliness, a feeling that makes emos do something on their own involving their right hand and a certain part of their anatomy that, if I said it, this story would rise to a higher rating. Indeed loneliness was coursing through his veins, and I suppose his arteries as well though I'm unsure how exactly the feeling of being separate to them affecting his circulatory system.

Anyway now we change perspectives to introduce the other characters that I barely know as I'm clearly obsessed with Furrball. The metaphorical camera pans down and we join a conversation that is somehow relevant to before.

"...well that would be all well and good but they wanted to cut me out of another 2 scenes" Charlie, the bunny rabbit who played Babs, complained as he studied the newer studio scripts. He was a creature of blue fur who I have only seen speak once as I don't actually watch Tiny Toons. "And yet they seem to have given Furrball an entire episode to himself." He is apparently a greedy SOB as I'm poor at characterisations and have mistaken a normally kind character with another jerk character, not that it will matter as the only other character with any character in this story will be the next character to enter.

"It's not like you don't already have plenty of screen time already Babsy" Fifi Le Flume muttered darkly, shooting a angry glare at the bunny in a manner that doesn't actually suit the words she said but perfectly fit the ones the author pretended to write. She reached over and grabbed the script and quickly leafed through it. "I don't see what the issue is. He's getting an episode to himself, but you're appearing in it anyway, Babsy."

"Don't call me Babsy" Babsy complained loudly to himself, the author already forgetting the character's actual name, too distracted by the awesome music he is listening to and the strange argument in front of him. Why would anyone ever wear a maroon jumper is beyond him, and that hairstyle, some people will wear anything on public transport... Naturally Babsy was quick to dispute Fifi's facts. "He's meant to be a throwaway references to Sylvester, a name that our author cannot spell, not a reoccurring character."

Fifi rolled her eyes in an overly exaggerated way for no apparent reason. "I wonder where he is anyway" She mutters to herself in an irrelevant manner that doesn't make any sense to say in this constructed universe, as she apparently has little connection to the cat anyway, However before this discrepancy could be addressed, the author gets bored of this conversation and takes off in another direction back to Furrball, not even bothering to introduce any other the other character.

We join Furrball on the top of the water tower that is iconic, and also the only sufficiently high structure that the author can quickly introduce. Naturally the Warner Siblings are not around at the time as they are...well either not here yet, or off filming something. The author doesn't care enough to work out which. Anyway Furrball looks down on the studios, feeling oddly depressed as everything he has achieved falls to pieces, or some other relevant analogy. Furrball tries desperately to keep himself happy and sane, trying desperately to film himself with happiness and joy as he thinks about his future, but there is little point as the author has already decided that this is the catalyst of our story, not the climax mind you, the catalyst. The breaking point, the limit break, the point in time where we finally get to see our characters drop their masks and reveal themselves.

In this case it comes as our cute little cat throws himself off the water tower, well after some more exposition. "I can't believe it has come to this" He mutters knowing exactly why is has come to this and obviously believing it, making his every work a lie. "I never wanted it to end like this. I wanted to be accepted. To be wanted..." He paused for dramatic effect, glancing at the drop below to provide obvious foreshadowing. Now it's time for his final statement. "All I ever wanted was to be loved"

And with those final words, well final for the next 2 paragraphs, our cute, little, adorable cat slowly stepped out over the edge and, after waiting the predetermined 3 second weight as per Toon Physics, felt himself begin the rapid fall to the ground. He watched it come towards himself as he watched his life flash before his eyes in a manner that made no sense to the author who is to lazy to leave them in, The ground came closer and closer, obviously.

Finally the paragraph ended and quickly redirect to another character as the author doesn't really want to write about bones smashing and blood spilling out over the pavement as the dry ground eagerly leaps up the toon's precious ink blood...wait what is a toon's blood made of? Fifi was wandering around the studio for some unexplained reason when she saw the small figure of Furrball, how she spotted him for such a distance, or why she was randomly walking through the studio when she is meant to be onset ire irrelevant, thought mainly because the author had no damned idea.

Anyway for here the story moves into slow motion as Fifi runs forward, a direct contrast to the now much faster writing speed that the author has suddenly started typing as the song he is listening to has reached a rather rapid beat. Fifi rushes across the film studio's lot, employing her own version of toonspeed, which the author stole from an Animaniacs fanfic, as she throws herself at the ground to catch the plummeting cat.

In real life the 2 inches of flesh stopping the fall would do nothing to actually save the cat, but the author doesn't give two craps and just pretends that toons are somehow able to be saved like that. Of course he is also hoping that no one realises that toons can also survive falls from much greater falls anyway but whatever. Anyway Fifi throws herself at the ground, again I suppose…I hate continuity, and manages to just get underneath the cat's fall, catching him an inch above the ground.

Silence fell as the two stare at each other, the cat's face drenched in tears that somehow didn't get blown off during the fall, the Skunks face a look of deep worry, and the author's face looking around the bus wondering how long until he gets out of traffic and begins to head home. It's already getting quite late and his 2 assignments due tomorrow aren't exactly going to do themselves, though that would be a rather wonderful concept if they could be, wait I think I may have gone off-track. Anyway the two characters stare at each other as the author wonders where the hell he's trying to take this story. He's got two choices, keep writing, or throw out a cliché. Like an indecisive jerk, a rather appropriate analogy, the author decides to do both.

I guess you could say he really fell in love. Wow that was bad. Anyway Fifi slowly stands, really slowly in an attempt to give the author plenty of time to think of what is suppose to be happening next, as she gentle stands the emotionally emo cat onto his hind paws and quickly looks over his slim frame, giving the author a nice excuse to describe the cat's poor form, something he forgot to do before. It's at this point that the author knows the story has reached the resolution stage, after the story somehow manages to have skipped like 3-4 other stages that I guess were irrelevant or something. Now the author is just wondering how to have a fluffy scene without it being stupid and cliché ridden.

Normally the author would have just left silence between the two for longer but he is getting impatient and his hands are starting to get sore from typing on this damn tiny laptop keyboard, so he instead just forces the issue, Fifi Threw her arms around the exhausted cat, panting slightly at her own tiredness that the author forgot about 2 paragraphs ago. Fifi slowly pulled the cat closer for no reason at all, a feat impossible as they were already hugging but whatever, as she looks into his eyes, her pale black eyes easily seeing the sorrow hiding deep in his eyes. The author knows that sentence made no sense, but he's hoping you won't.

"Why did you do it?" Fifi whispered, wondering if the author knew how stupid her words did, especially as the skunk wouldn't actually know it was attempted suicide at this point but the author doesn't care. "Please tell me" She pleaded pointlessly, knowing full well that the author was going to have the cat speak in 3 paragraphs.

Furrball turned away looking away from the skunk who was currently holding him in such a loving way. Why he does this instead of just looking at her and accepting the embrace is merely a product of the author's own poor self-esteem, rather than any actual plot points or characterisations, but the author can also pretend that it humanises the characters...which is also a lie. "Please just talk to me Furrball" Fifi pleaded again, the time knowing that the author was out of delaying tactics.

However Fifi was completely wrong as Furrball looked away again, did he look back at some point or something, as he tried desperately to pretend that he wasn't revealing such a venerable part of himself to the one he thought would tease him. This, of course makes no sense, the skunk has already shown herself to be friendly and was the character that the cat worked with often so it's not like there is much reason for them to not understand each other, but whatever.

"Please." Fifi again pleaded, wondering if the author would hurry up and continue the story if she revealed that his real name was Ni- Suddenly Furrball glanced up at the worried skunk, his resolve suddenly hardened as I shot an angry glare at the fictional character who had just blackmailed me.

"I'm sorry" He whispered for no reason in particular, but I'm going to pretend is related to his emo emotional. "It's just that everything has being so hard and no one was there for me" At this point the author is starting to feel rather disturbed at his own character, wondering why he feels so strongly for a character so poorly written and designed, despite the fact that the author has no real emotional links to the cat apart from his own visual self images based upon his actions combined with his low self-esteem. "I just couldn't take it anymore" Furrball finished lamely, the entire sentence a complete cliché from start to end, much like this story so it's rather appropriate.

"It's okay" Furrball whispered back to the young cat, the skunk's name accidentally swapped with the cats because the author is too busy looking out at the traffic, wondering why the bus trip is taking so long. "I'll always be there for you"

Furrball nuzzles up closer to the beautiful young girl as the readers of this story suddenly realise that this is all a massive wank fest. The author is lonely, so he throws his characters into stupid scenarios to make them get together purely through pity as he had never experienced any other connection with another human being because he is always far too much of a loner and book worm to ever connect with others in the world.

The story ends with the two character walking off into the sunset, the colours contrasted to hell and back with a massive vignette filter covering the author's mental image and he sits back glancing at the traffic again. Why can't he do the same? And why did he always talk in third person to sound less pathetic, when he was clearly aware that it isn't actually working?

Pondering these blatantly obvious questions, the author slowly finishes the story and quickly writes about himself saving and closing the story, wondering why his hands are still hitting the keys on the keyboard when he clearly has nothing else to say.

Sighing to himself, he somehow mentally glances at Fife and Furrball as the two have a gentle embrace, nothing too risqué as he wants this to not be rated M, as he slowly finishes the lasts few paragraphs of this story. There are many fanfic writers out there, and they all tell you far more than they ever mean to. It doesn't mean that the emotastic writer is depressed, but they may be lonely, it doesn't mean that the lemon writer is getting heaps, more than likely they are still a virgin, and it doesn't mean that the action writers are actually jumping out of helicopters shooting semi-automatic weapons at approaching dinosaurs. There are reasons that people get into fanfic, sometimes its boredom, but mostly it is to write the characters in a new or extended setting infused with the author's own personality.

Oh and fanfic writers who include script sections in their author notes with them having conversations with their fictional character are lazy people who think that Hanna Montana is actually funny and that physical humour works in stories. Naturally, they are wrong on both counts.

The author sighed as he quickly reached the conclusion of his story, noting that his stop is coming up quickly. He quickly hammered out the ending of the story, wondering why he can't write something decent for a change, as he slowly pulled himself out of his seat, allowing himself to finally cease the incessant typing that has being ruling him for the last hour…..but deep down he knows that he will never be free of that desire to write worthless fanfics.


End file.
